It's okay to say "no".

You know what happens.

Your life is in absolute chaos. You have deadlines to meet at work or (/and) in school. You have bills that need to be paid. You have things you need to do and want to do in and around your home. Your schedule is so tightly packed that you wonder if you'll remember to eat something. And then it happens.

Someone, perhaps a good friend or a family member, asks a favor of you. Normally this favor would seem easy or go off without a hitch. This is a person for whom you would help in any way imaginable. You want to help them. After all, do you really need to eat? Or sleep? Maybe if you stayed up a bit longer or grabbed a snack versus a meal you could squeeze in this favor for your friend. It wouldn't be the first time you've had to rearrange things to help this person or someone else out, right?

It's okay to say "no" sometimes.

You can still be a kind and caring person who is helpful and reliable, but you don't have  to and aren't obligated to always say "yes". You also should not feel obligated to provide your friend with a long explanation as to why you are unable to help him or her at this time. Sometimes the word "selfish" is a positive connotation when we consider selfless.

The definition for selfless is "concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own"1. When we first look at the word, we think, "that's the type of person I strive to be," but often peoples' health and well-being are compromised by thinking too much about "words" and not enough about ourselves. We shouldn't need medical journals to tell us that working long hours increases our risk of serious health issues 2.

Twenty-four years ago a teacher taught us the meaning behind "take care of yourself first." It was not meant to be a pro-selfish statement. Instead, she was teaching us to take care of ourselves first in school, in life, and in relationships. Who knew that a simple five-word phrase would have such an impact on our lives then and now? If we don't take care of ourselves first, and we always put the needs of others in front of our own, we are not being true to ourselves, will end up with health issues (some possibly severe), and we will eventually get burned out from helping people. Getting burned out from helping people also increases stress levels and leads to someone who is bitter and separated from others. No one wants that. We want to keep our friends and our family, right?

It's okay to say "no" sometimes, and your friends and family will (should!) understand that.


1. "Selfless". (2016) Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfless. 
2. Heikkila et al., (2016). Long working hours and cancer risk: a multi-cohort study. British Journal of Cancer, 114, 813-818. 
                doi: 10.1038/bjc.2016.9