People will throw out the phrase, "follow your dreams" like bird seed at a wedding, but what does that mean? For one person it could mean eating their weight in cupcakes. For another, it could mean becoming a serial killer. "Dreams" can exist on both ends of the morality spectrum.
But what does "follow your dreams" mean to me and to us as a couple? Travel. Writing. Exploring. Educating. Those are our dreams. How do we get there?
After pursuing physical therapy, then veterinary medicine, then pediatrics, then English, all in the span of one acadrmic college year, my dreams were all over the place. Learning, helping people, and writing all seemed realistic. Then when something happened that caused me to question my very being, I sought the outdoors and long talks with a Higher Being while meandering on trails and past babbling brooks. This. This was my dream: the outdoors; doing; being.
It was the other night when my husband said, "I know my life's passion: travel. I want to travel." We are both dreamers with some of the most horrible luck out there. Vacations have been canceled due to emergency veterinary bills; my vehicle was rear ended on the way to the hospital to visit my dad in critical care. You get the idea.
After one morning of sitting in bumper-to-bumper Atlanta traffic, we thought, "screw this." And we decided that within the next year we would pay off most of our debts (lovely grad school student loans will be there) and go from there.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Friday, July 29, 2016
The Woods: How the outdoors saved me.
This is one of those soul-bearing posts that I think could help others. It is about how the outdoors saved me.
As a child, my dad would take us for "walks in the woods" behind our house. That phrase is in quotation marks because that's how we would refer to them when asking when we could go again. We weren't allowed in the woods by ourselves. My dad would show us different trees, deer scat, how to look for wildlife without scaring them, and lots of other tips and tricks and educating us on different things about "the woods." I loved the woods. It was when we lived in upstate New York that we made these adventures happen: tall hardwoods, crumbling rock walls acting as property lines from the 18th century, lush green grasses and ferns, whitetail deer, and even an occasional black bear (scat).
I continued being an outdoorsperson, and I still am. When I was able, I would go on hikes or explore outdoors areas such as waterfalls, creeks, rivers, and forests. At that time, it was just something I enjoyed and felt good, health-wise, about doing. Little did I know what an impact my "walks in the woods" would have on my mental / emotional well-being.
I had come across some articles about how the outdoors is good for your brain, how the outdoors is used as therapy, how hiking is good for your emotional well-being, but they didn't apply to me. They were just items I used when I discussed emotional well-being with others in an instructing sort of manner. "Having a rough day? Go outside." But I wasn't applying that to my own life because, on the surface, I thought everything was hunky-dorey.
That changed.
Sparing some privacy details, things changed several months ago when I was given some news that shook the foundation of my soul. I was emotionally lost and distraught. There were times that I felt like I was drowning, and instead of paddling to the surface, I was clawing madly and wildly in the water, not going anywhere - just there - drowning. That is the best way I can possibly describe it. I lost weight (as in 10 lbs in 2 days and growing from there) from not eating and being stressed. I immediately did what we all do as humans: blaming myself. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do? How did I not see this? Was I blinded by stress? Will I ever be okay? Am I ever going to be good enough? And then the declarative statements started: I am NOT good enough. I will NOT be okay. My favorite of all time, "I am worthless."
But then I started to do something...walks in the woods. After work, I would grab our dog, and I would head north about fifteen minutes to a small Civil War battlefield park, and we would walk for about two miles. I did that three times a week. Then I would hike 6 miles on Saturday mornings.
And I started feeling better which made me get better which made me feel better again, and the cycle of "good" started. Feeling better...getting better....feeling better.....getting "better'er"....feeling "better'er."
I was taking walks in the woods to clear my mind, to lighten the burden I had placed on my self-esteem and then removing it, and starting anew. I stopped blaming myself with questions, and the negative declarative statements ceased. I saw my faults not as faults but as strengths (a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy of sorts). And I continued to get better.
I also started eating better and losing weight the right way. I stopped looking at the scale and based my progress on feeling better and clothes fitting better. That's how I continued. The more I felt better, the longer I was able to take walks in the woods. The first few times sucked (a mile...mile and a half), but then I got better and was progressing to 8-10 miles (which, for my size and health, was awesome).
The news I received took three or four months to work its way through, and on the other side of it all, I was prepared for whatever that decision was because I was healthier, stronger, and better. Luckily, the news helped me in the end, and it made me stronger which is where I am today.
While you can read articles all day long about why nature works and such, until you actually go through something that shakes you to your core and apply it to that situation, you don't realize how soul-strengthening "walks in the woods" are.
As a child, my dad would take us for "walks in the woods" behind our house. That phrase is in quotation marks because that's how we would refer to them when asking when we could go again. We weren't allowed in the woods by ourselves. My dad would show us different trees, deer scat, how to look for wildlife without scaring them, and lots of other tips and tricks and educating us on different things about "the woods." I loved the woods. It was when we lived in upstate New York that we made these adventures happen: tall hardwoods, crumbling rock walls acting as property lines from the 18th century, lush green grasses and ferns, whitetail deer, and even an occasional black bear (scat).
I continued being an outdoorsperson, and I still am. When I was able, I would go on hikes or explore outdoors areas such as waterfalls, creeks, rivers, and forests. At that time, it was just something I enjoyed and felt good, health-wise, about doing. Little did I know what an impact my "walks in the woods" would have on my mental / emotional well-being.
I had come across some articles about how the outdoors is good for your brain, how the outdoors is used as therapy, how hiking is good for your emotional well-being, but they didn't apply to me. They were just items I used when I discussed emotional well-being with others in an instructing sort of manner. "Having a rough day? Go outside." But I wasn't applying that to my own life because, on the surface, I thought everything was hunky-dorey.
That changed.
Sparing some privacy details, things changed several months ago when I was given some news that shook the foundation of my soul. I was emotionally lost and distraught. There were times that I felt like I was drowning, and instead of paddling to the surface, I was clawing madly and wildly in the water, not going anywhere - just there - drowning. That is the best way I can possibly describe it. I lost weight (as in 10 lbs in 2 days and growing from there) from not eating and being stressed. I immediately did what we all do as humans: blaming myself. What did I do wrong? What didn't I do? How did I not see this? Was I blinded by stress? Will I ever be okay? Am I ever going to be good enough? And then the declarative statements started: I am NOT good enough. I will NOT be okay. My favorite of all time, "I am worthless."
But then I started to do something...walks in the woods. After work, I would grab our dog, and I would head north about fifteen minutes to a small Civil War battlefield park, and we would walk for about two miles. I did that three times a week. Then I would hike 6 miles on Saturday mornings.
And I started feeling better which made me get better which made me feel better again, and the cycle of "good" started. Feeling better...getting better....feeling better.....getting "better'er"....feeling "better'er."
I was taking walks in the woods to clear my mind, to lighten the burden I had placed on my self-esteem and then removing it, and starting anew. I stopped blaming myself with questions, and the negative declarative statements ceased. I saw my faults not as faults but as strengths (a form of Cognitive Behavior Therapy of sorts). And I continued to get better.
I also started eating better and losing weight the right way. I stopped looking at the scale and based my progress on feeling better and clothes fitting better. That's how I continued. The more I felt better, the longer I was able to take walks in the woods. The first few times sucked (a mile...mile and a half), but then I got better and was progressing to 8-10 miles (which, for my size and health, was awesome).
The news I received took three or four months to work its way through, and on the other side of it all, I was prepared for whatever that decision was because I was healthier, stronger, and better. Luckily, the news helped me in the end, and it made me stronger which is where I am today.
While you can read articles all day long about why nature works and such, until you actually go through something that shakes you to your core and apply it to that situation, you don't realize how soul-strengthening "walks in the woods" are.
Friday, June 10, 2016
It's okay to say "no".
You know what happens.
Your life is in absolute chaos. You have deadlines to meet at work or (/and) in school. You have bills that need to be paid. You have things you need to do and want to do in and around your home. Your schedule is so tightly packed that you wonder if you'll remember to eat something. And then it happens.
Someone, perhaps a good friend or a family member, asks a favor of you. Normally this favor would seem easy or go off without a hitch. This is a person for whom you would help in any way imaginable. You want to help them. After all, do you really need to eat? Or sleep? Maybe if you stayed up a bit longer or grabbed a snack versus a meal you could squeeze in this favor for your friend. It wouldn't be the first time you've had to rearrange things to help this person or someone else out, right?
It's okay to say "no" sometimes.
You can still be a kind and caring person who is helpful and reliable, but you don't have to and aren't obligated to always say "yes". You also should not feel obligated to provide your friend with a long explanation as to why you are unable to help him or her at this time. Sometimes the word "selfish" is a positive connotation when we consider selfless.
The definition for selfless is "concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own"1. When we first look at the word, we think, "that's the type of person I strive to be," but often peoples' health and well-being are compromised by thinking too much about "words" and not enough about ourselves. We shouldn't need medical journals to tell us that working long hours increases our risk of serious health issues 2.
Twenty-four years ago a teacher taught us the meaning behind "take care of yourself first." It was not meant to be a pro-selfish statement. Instead, she was teaching us to take care of ourselves first in school, in life, and in relationships. Who knew that a simple five-word phrase would have such an impact on our lives then and now? If we don't take care of ourselves first, and we always put the needs of others in front of our own, we are not being true to ourselves, will end up with health issues (some possibly severe), and we will eventually get burned out from helping people. Getting burned out from helping people also increases stress levels and leads to someone who is bitter and separated from others. No one wants that. We want to keep our friends and our family, right?
It's okay to say "no" sometimes, and your friends and family will (should!) understand that.
1. "Selfless". (2016) Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfless.
2. Heikkila et al., (2016). Long working hours and cancer risk: a multi-cohort study. British Journal of Cancer, 114, 813-818.
doi: 10.1038/bjc.2016.9
Your life is in absolute chaos. You have deadlines to meet at work or (/and) in school. You have bills that need to be paid. You have things you need to do and want to do in and around your home. Your schedule is so tightly packed that you wonder if you'll remember to eat something. And then it happens.
Someone, perhaps a good friend or a family member, asks a favor of you. Normally this favor would seem easy or go off without a hitch. This is a person for whom you would help in any way imaginable. You want to help them. After all, do you really need to eat? Or sleep? Maybe if you stayed up a bit longer or grabbed a snack versus a meal you could squeeze in this favor for your friend. It wouldn't be the first time you've had to rearrange things to help this person or someone else out, right?
It's okay to say "no" sometimes.
You can still be a kind and caring person who is helpful and reliable, but you don't have to and aren't obligated to always say "yes". You also should not feel obligated to provide your friend with a long explanation as to why you are unable to help him or her at this time. Sometimes the word "selfish" is a positive connotation when we consider selfless.
The definition for selfless is "concerned more with the needs and wishes of others than with one's own"1. When we first look at the word, we think, "that's the type of person I strive to be," but often peoples' health and well-being are compromised by thinking too much about "words" and not enough about ourselves. We shouldn't need medical journals to tell us that working long hours increases our risk of serious health issues 2.
Twenty-four years ago a teacher taught us the meaning behind "take care of yourself first." It was not meant to be a pro-selfish statement. Instead, she was teaching us to take care of ourselves first in school, in life, and in relationships. Who knew that a simple five-word phrase would have such an impact on our lives then and now? If we don't take care of ourselves first, and we always put the needs of others in front of our own, we are not being true to ourselves, will end up with health issues (some possibly severe), and we will eventually get burned out from helping people. Getting burned out from helping people also increases stress levels and leads to someone who is bitter and separated from others. No one wants that. We want to keep our friends and our family, right?
It's okay to say "no" sometimes, and your friends and family will (should!) understand that.
1. "Selfless". (2016) Retrieved from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfless.
2. Heikkila et al., (2016). Long working hours and cancer risk: a multi-cohort study. British Journal of Cancer, 114, 813-818.
doi: 10.1038/bjc.2016.9
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